today i am sitting here 
desperately clinging to the memories 
memories i dont have enough of
as tears stream down my cheeks 
i think back to the good times
times i would sit and draw snowmen in your office and you would smile and seem so proud every time i would bring another piece of paper to you
times i would run to your little candy jar full of mints and you’d giggle at me as i took more than one
easter egg hunts in the back yard
driving in your red truck to taco gringo and to the church parking lot to get schwans food
times after i moved away when i would come to visit and you would always greet me the same way. 
"hello doll"
the rattle of you sweet frail voice warmed my heart every time.
the time i brought my boyfriend home to meet everyone and you came to my graduation party and told me you were proud of us
as tears stream down my face
i hear, “peace be with you”
i fight to say “and also with you”
the minister talks about how you were a great man
i can’t agree more
i see you
i know your there as i touch your hand for the last time
its cold and lifeless 
thats not how i remember your hands
i recall those hands were always busy and warm
as i touch your hand
i imagine you holding mine back and kissing me on the cheek
telling me you love me and saying “see ya later doll”
but i come back to the fact that youre gone
and im staring at your body 
but its not you.
you are gone
you’re where i wanna be. 
and as my baby starts to cry
i imagine handing him to you
and you smile and giggle as you meet your first great great grandbaby
the way you would have looked so proud 
the smile on your face would have been ear to ear 
i imagine nothing would have ruined that day.
as tears stream down my face 
i cant come to terms with the fact it will never happen
its like drowning an inch away from the surface
im fighting reality
but reality just ran over me with a semi full of shit
and im laying there trying to get back up.
the lords prayer
it brings me back to the fact that we are here to say goodbye
the casket is closed now 
and i wish i could see you one more time
the flag draped over the top makes me proud of you
the person you were
i couldnt have ever had better
we’re standing in the cold now
on the ground your body is going to be buried in
the tears are stinging my face as the wind blows
and i feel like im losing you
but youre gone and i cant face it
my back is turned to it
and it is digging its claws through my skin 
the pain is so intense
and the three volleys of shots begin
it shakes me back to life again
the first one rocked me off balance and turned my tears into sobs
the second one made me palms sweat and my heart get stuck in my throat and the third…
the third made me so proud of you
that last big bang of the rifles acted as a goodbye
after, a sense of calm rushed over the cemetery as taps is played on the bugle
and i try to stop crying as they fold your flag
you are such an amazing man
as we walk away from you we carry you with us in our hearts
and my heart shatters and tries to put itself back together all at once just to hold you in it
but i pick myself up
im out of breath
im out of words
but im so full of the best gift he ever gave me
love
i grab a flower and whisper goodbye
to the most amazing man i have ever met

today i am sitting here 

desperately clinging to the memories 

memories i dont have enough of

as tears stream down my cheeks 

i think back to the good times

times i would sit and draw snowmen in your office and you would smile and seem so proud every time i would bring another piece of paper to you

times i would run to your little candy jar full of mints and you’d giggle at me as i took more than one

easter egg hunts in the back yard

driving in your red truck to taco gringo and to the church parking lot to get schwans food

times after i moved away when i would come to visit and you would always greet me the same way. 

"hello doll"

the rattle of you sweet frail voice warmed my heart every time.

the time i brought my boyfriend home to meet everyone and you came to my graduation party and told me you were proud of us

as tears stream down my face

i hear, “peace be with you”

i fight to say “and also with you”

the minister talks about how you were a great man

i can’t agree more

i see you

i know your there as i touch your hand for the last time

its cold and lifeless 

thats not how i remember your hands

i recall those hands were always busy and warm

as i touch your hand

i imagine you holding mine back and kissing me on the cheek

telling me you love me and saying “see ya later doll”

but i come back to the fact that youre gone

and im staring at your body 

but its not you.

you are gone

you’re where i wanna be. 

and as my baby starts to cry

i imagine handing him to you

and you smile and giggle as you meet your first great great grandbaby

the way you would have looked so proud 

the smile on your face would have been ear to ear 

i imagine nothing would have ruined that day.

as tears stream down my face 

i cant come to terms with the fact it will never happen

its like drowning an inch away from the surface

im fighting reality

but reality just ran over me with a semi full of shit

and im laying there trying to get back up.

the lords prayer

it brings me back to the fact that we are here to say goodbye

the casket is closed now 

and i wish i could see you one more time

the flag draped over the top makes me proud of you

the person you were

i couldnt have ever had better

we’re standing in the cold now

on the ground your body is going to be buried in

the tears are stinging my face as the wind blows

and i feel like im losing you

but youre gone and i cant face it

my back is turned to it

and it is digging its claws through my skin 

the pain is so intense

and the three volleys of shots begin

it shakes me back to life again

the first one rocked me off balance and turned my tears into sobs

the second one made me palms sweat and my heart get stuck in my throat and the third…

the third made me so proud of you

that last big bang of the rifles acted as a goodbye

after, a sense of calm rushed over the cemetery as taps is played on the bugle

and i try to stop crying as they fold your flag

you are such an amazing man

as we walk away from you we carry you with us in our hearts

and my heart shatters and tries to put itself back together all at once just to hold you in it

but i pick myself up

im out of breath

im out of words

but im so full of the best gift he ever gave me

love

i grab a flower and whisper goodbye

to the most amazing man i have ever met